i am horrified that i have not written here since april! please forgive me. life (read my childs life full of activities - baseball games, swim meets) totally took over my late spring and summer. i am sure most of you reading this will be able to relate to that, however i still feel a bit embarrassed.
this is one of the "pits" in my life...starting and not following through. i am a terrible procrastinator for sure. try as i might, it is one big issue that i sincerely struggle with. my house is a wreck and has been for a very long time. one example of this is that i still have a table cloth on my dining room table that has not been changed because of all the stuff that has accumulated on top of it. big deal you say, so i haven't changed a table cloth? what i didn't tell you yet is that table cloth is a christmas table cloth, and it is now september, a mere 3 and a half months until christmas comes around again! so for 8 and a half months that table cloth has been there with cookbooks (among others), art supplies, baking pans, sewing supplies, and who knows what else piled on top! it is shameful i know. finding the energy and time to clear it all away has been a major challenge, because you have to actually be home to take care of those things.
it has been made even more challenging since the middle of june, when depression has dared to rear its ugly head in my direction again. i am not sleeping well, which in turn poses problems on its own. add in pessimistic thinking, and i'm pretty much out of sorts in all areas of my life. it has gotten progressively worse in the last 2 months. i just cannot seem to get a grip on it and it is very frustrating. i don't understand why this is happening again...the doctor says it probably is related to my hormones. i am at "that" age. unfortunately my 8 year old doesn't understand and why should he? afterall i don't totally understand why i am prone to this, but most of all i don't understand why i have to experience it again after all these years! talk about having the life sucked out of you! i just want to sleep to get away from the anxiety and the sad feelings.
on a better note however, one of the things i wanted to start working on back in april, was to start losing some weight. i have. since june 12th, i have lost 15 pounds! i have 35 pounds left to lose, but it has been relatively easy. all i have been doing is eating a total of 1200 calories a day. i am not dieting in a way that i have had to cut out anything. i count my calories, make good food choices, drink more water, and weigh myself every single day. i also have been writing it all down in a weightloss journal. day after tomorrow will be 12 weeks since i started...i was hoping to have lost at least 25 pounds by september 5th (my 50th birthday), but i am not going to beat myself up. i am so happy that i've dropped the 15 pounds i have. no giving up either...i know i need to add exercise to my days, and since what i am doing has definitely become habit, i think it is time to add another element. once i do i am sure the weight will come off much quicker. better sleep would help tremendously.
now to make a plan for my house...i am positive all of the "stuff" is weighing me down mentally, as well. i need a good plan of action. i see it all and it is very overwhelming...breaking it down into smaller, doable tasks would be the answer i know, but would you think me crazy if i told you i don't know how to break it down like that. i have had this innate ability my whole life to see the whole picture, which comes in very handy when you are doing things like building/decorating a house. not so handy though when you need to see the individual parts which need to be worked on. i keep telling myself to just start, but then comes the question to myself of where do i start? my procrastinating tendencies are in full swing...the answer may be that logging off this computer might help!
until next time...
About Me
- dreaming in the pit of reality by L.Dawn
- United States
- my wish for this space is for it to become a source of inspiration and motivation to everyone who visits. please feel free to ask questions or comment. all answers and responses will be posted within the content of the blog. i will not use names, unless i have permission to. please keep the questions appropriate for anyone of any age who might be reading this blog. i will not answer inappropriate or lude questions, for i wish to keep this blog for all ages...it's never too early to be encouraged and inspired in life. if you do wish to ask a question of me or comment on anything i have written please do so in the comment section which is in the white box at the bottom of my posts. if you do not wish to ask a question or comment publicly, i have an e-mail address for this purpose...dreampitreality@hotmail.com. i appreciate all questions and comments from readers, and look forward to being a connection to help in the journey to finding your truth and what you are meant to do, simply by sharing mine with you. here's to each and everyone of us finding and living our truth(s), L.Dawn
Sunday, September 2, 2012
one truth i know this far...
(as a side note...this post was actually written in april. i only just realized i never posted it.)
the number one truth for me is "there is no such thing as coincidence". take a moment to think about it...i have thought about this for a long time and have many experiences that have proven it to me.
there have been way too many times that i have talked about or thought about someone whom i have not seen, heard about, or heard from in months possibly years, and boom there they are either showing up, calling, or i am all of a sudden hearing about them from a mutual friend.
one reason i bring this up is that i believe whenever i have had something specific on my mind / on my heart if you will, it seems as though there is always a coinciding moment that goes along with it, providing me with the answer i was searching for. when something i may be trying to do isn't working out from the start then i don't push it, because i believe if it is not working out then it isn't meant to be. just as that has happened, i also have had things fall right in place when i was afraid it may be impossible, and went for it anyway, because i felt it was right and it worked from the start.
it may be a gut instinct (which i believe is God steering my decisions). either way it is not a coincidence. with all my heart and soul i believe what we focus on is what we get more of, be it good or bad.
the definition of coincidence is not some weird woo woo happening that we have made it out ot be. it simply means be in the same place...happen at the same time...to be alike. it means two things coincide with each other at the same time. many times not being an accident, but a plan put into place by God.
lately i have had quite a few situations where the timing was so crazy i couldn't believe it myself. every time this happens i am in complete awe...in that i almost am afraid to think for fear that i may have some negative thought that will come to fruition.
what have you experienced in your life that you thought was a coincidence? i would love to hear about it.
the number one truth for me is "there is no such thing as coincidence". take a moment to think about it...i have thought about this for a long time and have many experiences that have proven it to me.
there have been way too many times that i have talked about or thought about someone whom i have not seen, heard about, or heard from in months possibly years, and boom there they are either showing up, calling, or i am all of a sudden hearing about them from a mutual friend.
one reason i bring this up is that i believe whenever i have had something specific on my mind / on my heart if you will, it seems as though there is always a coinciding moment that goes along with it, providing me with the answer i was searching for. when something i may be trying to do isn't working out from the start then i don't push it, because i believe if it is not working out then it isn't meant to be. just as that has happened, i also have had things fall right in place when i was afraid it may be impossible, and went for it anyway, because i felt it was right and it worked from the start.
it may be a gut instinct (which i believe is God steering my decisions). either way it is not a coincidence. with all my heart and soul i believe what we focus on is what we get more of, be it good or bad.
the definition of coincidence is not some weird woo woo happening that we have made it out ot be. it simply means be in the same place...happen at the same time...to be alike. it means two things coincide with each other at the same time. many times not being an accident, but a plan put into place by God.
lately i have had quite a few situations where the timing was so crazy i couldn't believe it myself. every time this happens i am in complete awe...in that i almost am afraid to think for fear that i may have some negative thought that will come to fruition.
what have you experienced in your life that you thought was a coincidence? i would love to hear about it.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
starting right here and right now...
i want to find my truth...do you want to find your truth? i gotta start somewhere. we all do. i tell myself "just do it...start right here. right now." but i don't. i want to start clearing out the un-necessary and unhealthy from my life, and start doing the things i need to do and want to do. what exactly is the un-necessary and unhealthy? what are the things i need and want to do? for me it is as much mental as it is physical. it's financial, stop spending un-necessarily, and start paying off debt. it's unhealthy eating, stop eating anything that is not in it's original form. it's too much couch time, stop watching mind numbing television when i could be reading and learning with my son. it's not getting adequate rest, just getting in bed on time could do wonders for my mood. it's not exercising and telling myself i will do it tomorrow but then don't follow through, when i really need to lose some weight. it's too much stuff in my house weighing me down mentally, when i could just toss it or give it away to others who may need it more. it's having to deal with people who are not good for me, toxic negative people who make me feel bad. it's doing what everyone else thinks i should be doing, being practical is not all it's cracked up to be all the time. it's not spending enough time doing the things my little boy and i love to do together, making art and being free to do what comes creatively on the spur of the moment. it's letting time go by that can never be gotten back, nothing good was done with that time, usually procrastinated away with the television or computer. it's staying up so late at night that the next day i can't think straight, and don't have energy even to go for a walk after dinner. it's thinking there is more to life than i already have, when i am richer than i could ever imagine being, just by having those i love all of them healthy and happy. it's not having time for the simplest of things more often, more storybook teatime, and just plain being silly for the fun of it. it's believing what others think of me matters, when they probably aren't thinking of me at all. it's believing others are better than me, when we are all in the same boat. it's sacrificing my precious time to please those people, when they wouldn't do the same for me. it's taking all the blame when relationships change and the other person in the relationship lets me, when they are just as much to blame. it's not spending time with friends i cherish, because everyone is so busy...doing what? it's not spending enough quiet time with God, who made the ultimate sacrifice for me. it's not making sure to have time set aside for just my husband and i on a regular basis, even just to talk. it's not finishing anything i start, and being ashamed of myself for not finishing. it's not using my God given creativity to it's greatest potential, to use it for good, possibly helping in some way. it's all too much and it's like a merry go round that never stops. i have not even begun scratching the surface!
it is my aim, starting right here and right now, to rectify as many of these things as possible in the next year, starting today, April 26th, 2012.
what is going to be your truth a year from now? are you ready to do something about it?
it is my aim, starting right here and right now, to rectify as many of these things as possible in the next year, starting today, April 26th, 2012.
what is going to be your truth a year from now? are you ready to do something about it?
Monday, April 23, 2012
a simple blog with a profound intention...
the format is simple. no photos. no ads. no flowery prose. simply truth and integrity to be what it will be. writer and readers are all the same, each of us searching for our own truth.
i know the name of this blog sounds very dark...it really isn't. i chose these words, because i want it to reflect honest and real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and experiences...experiences from my life journey...and hopefully answers to your questions.
it simply comes from the fact that i dream big (optimistic me), and the pit (pessimistic me) sucks me back into reality...what i feel is my reality, somewhere between optimistic and pessimistic.
the optimistic me is where i try to live most of the time. it is the brave me, where my dreams, creativity, and goals live, and how i am with other people...i am a great encourager and motivational influence to others. i am a loyal and trustworthy person. my faith, my family, and my friends are very important to me. my creativity feeds my soul.
the pessimistic me is the part i fight every single day...you know the part that can be so automatic, and assumes the worst, before hearing the whole story, or seeing the whole picture. i refuse to live here though. i sometimes call this "the black hole", because of my experiences with deep depression and panic attacks. i had a doctor tell me at the beginning of that horrible time in my life, that i would always have depression and panic attacks, and i would have to learn to live with it.
the reality was i left her office and never went back. i was desperate, and through much trial, and great effort, i found a therapist who believed exactly the opposite. she gave me hope, and eventually the tools to control the panic attacks. four years later through much hard work, the depression was under control.
i was on a journey through "the black hole" which lasted about ten years. i came out the other side a much stronger person, and with greater faith than i had ever known. faith in God, as well as faith in myself. my faith, and the knowledge that i alone control my attitude by what i think, helps me to keep my thoughts as positive as possible, which in turn determines how my days go.
it is my intention to be real in this space, so that anyone reading it will be able to relate to whatever i may be saying, especially if they are a having a similar experience.
i know how easy it is to feel totally alone and desperate for answers. please feel free to ask questions...i will give the answers, but can only answer from my experience. sometimes just hearing another persons story helps in tremendous ways...knowing there is someone to listen who actually hears and has been there can be comfort enough to get us on the path to getting help and eventually healing.
today i am happy and content to be the real me. the me i always knew was inside, but was afraid to show for fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough.
i invite you to take the journey of your life, dare to seek answers, and to get on the path to becoming the real you...the you, you want to be.
disclaimer...i am not a professional therapist. i am just an everyday person living my life to the best of my ability in the hopes that i may evoke in myself and those who read this blog a sense of contentment...a satisfaction of knowing we are all worth the effort of waking up everyday to find the truth we all yearn for...the truth of who we are and what we are meant to be in this big beautiful life we have been blessed with. life is hard, but life is what we choose to make it, be accountable for your choices and your life. it is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you.
find your truth and live it...
i know the name of this blog sounds very dark...it really isn't. i chose these words, because i want it to reflect honest and real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and experiences...experiences from my life journey...and hopefully answers to your questions.
it simply comes from the fact that i dream big (optimistic me), and the pit (pessimistic me) sucks me back into reality...what i feel is my reality, somewhere between optimistic and pessimistic.
the optimistic me is where i try to live most of the time. it is the brave me, where my dreams, creativity, and goals live, and how i am with other people...i am a great encourager and motivational influence to others. i am a loyal and trustworthy person. my faith, my family, and my friends are very important to me. my creativity feeds my soul.
the pessimistic me is the part i fight every single day...you know the part that can be so automatic, and assumes the worst, before hearing the whole story, or seeing the whole picture. i refuse to live here though. i sometimes call this "the black hole", because of my experiences with deep depression and panic attacks. i had a doctor tell me at the beginning of that horrible time in my life, that i would always have depression and panic attacks, and i would have to learn to live with it.
the reality was i left her office and never went back. i was desperate, and through much trial, and great effort, i found a therapist who believed exactly the opposite. she gave me hope, and eventually the tools to control the panic attacks. four years later through much hard work, the depression was under control.
i was on a journey through "the black hole" which lasted about ten years. i came out the other side a much stronger person, and with greater faith than i had ever known. faith in God, as well as faith in myself. my faith, and the knowledge that i alone control my attitude by what i think, helps me to keep my thoughts as positive as possible, which in turn determines how my days go.
it is my intention to be real in this space, so that anyone reading it will be able to relate to whatever i may be saying, especially if they are a having a similar experience.
i know how easy it is to feel totally alone and desperate for answers. please feel free to ask questions...i will give the answers, but can only answer from my experience. sometimes just hearing another persons story helps in tremendous ways...knowing there is someone to listen who actually hears and has been there can be comfort enough to get us on the path to getting help and eventually healing.
today i am happy and content to be the real me. the me i always knew was inside, but was afraid to show for fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough.
i invite you to take the journey of your life, dare to seek answers, and to get on the path to becoming the real you...the you, you want to be.
disclaimer...i am not a professional therapist. i am just an everyday person living my life to the best of my ability in the hopes that i may evoke in myself and those who read this blog a sense of contentment...a satisfaction of knowing we are all worth the effort of waking up everyday to find the truth we all yearn for...the truth of who we are and what we are meant to be in this big beautiful life we have been blessed with. life is hard, but life is what we choose to make it, be accountable for your choices and your life. it is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you.
find your truth and live it...
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