procrastination is in full swing...

i am horrified that i have not written here since april! please forgive me. life (read my childs life full of activities - baseball games, swim meets) totally took over my late spring and summer. i am sure most of you reading this will be able to relate to that, however i still feel a bit embarrassed.

this is one of the "pits" in my life...starting and not following through. i am a terrible procrastinator for sure. try as i might, it is one big issue that i sincerely struggle with. my house is a wreck and has been for a very long time. one example of this is that i still have a table cloth on my dining room table that has not been changed because of all the stuff that has accumulated on top of it. big deal you say, so i haven't changed a table cloth? what i didn't tell you yet is that table cloth is a christmas table cloth, and it is now september, a mere 3 and a half months until christmas comes around again! so for 8 and a half months that table cloth has been there with cookbooks (among others), art supplies, baking pans, sewing supplies, and who knows what else piled on top! it is shameful i know. finding the energy and time to clear it all away has been a major challenge, because you have to actually be home to take care of those things.

it has been made even more challenging since the middle of june, when depression has dared to rear its ugly head in my direction again. i am not sleeping well, which in turn poses problems on its own. add in pessimistic thinking, and i'm pretty much out of sorts in all areas of my life. it has gotten progressively worse in the last 2 months. i just cannot seem to get a grip on it and it is very frustrating. i don't understand why this is happening again...the doctor says it probably is related to my hormones. i am at "that" age. unfortunately my 8 year old doesn't understand and why should he? afterall i don't totally understand why i am prone to this, but most of all i don't understand why i have to experience it again after all these years! talk about having the life sucked out of you! i just want to sleep to get away from the anxiety and the sad feelings.

on a better note however, one of the things i wanted to start working on back in april, was to start losing some weight. i have. since june 12th, i have lost 15 pounds! i have 35 pounds left to lose, but it has been relatively easy. all i have been doing is eating a total of 1200 calories a day. i am not dieting in a way that i have had to cut out anything. i count my calories, make good food choices, drink more water, and weigh myself every single day. i also have been writing it all down in a weightloss journal. day after tomorrow will be 12 weeks since i started...i was hoping to have lost at least 25 pounds by september 5th (my 50th birthday), but i am not going to beat myself up. i am so happy that i've dropped the 15 pounds i have. no giving up either...i know i need to add exercise to my days, and since what i am doing has definitely become habit, i think it is time to add another element. once i do i am sure the weight will come off much quicker. better sleep would help tremendously.

now to make a plan for my house...i am positive all of the "stuff" is weighing me down mentally, as well. i need a good plan of action. i see it all and it is very overwhelming...breaking it down into smaller, doable tasks would be the answer i know, but would you think me crazy if i told you i don't know how to break it down like that. i have had this innate ability my whole life to see the whole picture, which comes in very handy when you are doing things like building/decorating a house. not so handy though when you need to see the individual parts which need to be worked on. i keep telling myself to just start, but then comes the question to myself of where do i start? my procrastinating tendencies are in full swing...the answer may be that logging off this computer might help!

until next time...      

one truth i know this far...

(as a side note...this post was actually written in april. i only just realized i never posted it.)

the number one truth for me is "there is no such thing as coincidence". take a moment to think about it...i have thought about this for a long time and have many experiences that have proven it to me.
there have been way too many times that i have talked about or thought about someone whom i have not seen, heard about, or heard from in months possibly years, and boom there they are either showing up, calling, or i am all of a sudden hearing about them from a mutual friend.

one reason i bring this up is that i believe whenever i have had something specific on my mind / on my heart if you will, it seems as though there is always a coinciding moment that goes along with it, providing me with the answer i was searching for. when something i may be trying to do isn't working out from the start then i don't push it, because i believe if it is not working out then it isn't meant to be. just as that has happened, i also have had things fall right in place when i was afraid it may be impossible, and went for it anyway, because i felt it was right and it worked from the start.

it may be a gut instinct (which i believe is God steering my decisions). either way it is not a coincidence. with all my heart and soul i believe what we focus on is what we get more of, be it good or bad.

the definition of coincidence is not some weird woo woo happening that we have made it out ot be. it simply means be in the same place...happen at the same time...to be alike. it means two things coincide with each other at the same time. many times not being an accident, but a plan put into place by God.

lately i have had quite a few situations where the timing was so crazy i couldn't believe it myself. every time this happens i am in complete awe...in that i almost am afraid to think for fear that i may have some negative thought that will come to fruition.

what have you experienced in your life that you thought was a coincidence? i would love to hear about it.